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a chill emotional state

by lit on lit mixed tapes

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  • Streaming + Download

    Purchasable with gift card

     

  • Cassette + Digital Album

    this cassettes will be lovingly forged in the depths of my bedroom. album art insert + plastic shell included. there will be 15 for sale, and an additional 15-25 made for the contributors/promotion.. thats pretty #RARE. order while supplies last.. literally! this is a preorder. i will ship the tapes after i get enough funds to order them + the time to make them, should be about a week or so. shipping included (in the u.s.)! if you want to order outside of the u.s. message me on facebook and we will figure it out.

    Includes unlimited streaming of a chill emotional state via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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1.
hello, assholes so i am having my first snowball fight of the year and holy shit it is awesome tonight i want to tell you that the moon is my favourite kind of indirect light but instead i’m 5 years old throwing snowballs like i’m 5 years old today my internal monologue says “nothing rhymes with orange” and i’m like “wow dumbass no it doesn’t” i throw a tiny snowball and you catch it in your mouth thirty feet away so yes i am the spooky janitor character in the direct-to-video movie of your life and no-one has leaned over and kissed me for a long time with your gloves on your ears now you are the world’s rarest moose but i throw a snowball directly up and close my eyes please god jesus let it land on my head it doesn’t and you walk over laughing and i feel sad you take the snowball out of my hood and smash it into my face snow is cold as shit when you’re 5 and i love it the last time someone kissed me i could feel their mouth smiling and i don’t know if that is good but ok i am a power station in your goddamn countryside tonight and on a scale of alive we are alive
2.
Centaurs aren’t half human half horse They are half human half unicorn Mermaids aren’t half human half fish They are half centaur half fish Angels are half mermaid half bird Which means they’re quarter centaur Which means they’re an eighth unicorn And some unicorns have wings And some unicorns are pink Elephants are half elephant half elephant Vampires are half human half bat Werewolves are half human half wolf So if one bites you be worried about rabies
3.
I look like a nightmare seahorse, all scales and braying a surrogate mother born into a chemical world. I wonder what my father thinks of Madonna. This winter, like every winter almost killed me. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it. The Baroque has always been violent pushing me down with its horse-hoofed hands. I am alive because I am a dog not because I have a spirit I am not a horse.
4.
hey i'm only going to say this twice i am a field mouse i am a field mouse thousand foot tall sunflowers and wheat growing everywhere
5.
6.
I heard somewhere they are making new episodes of The OC. I don’t know if it’s true, but we need to be prepared. Come over. Watch seasons one through four with me. This is so important to me. I need you to value my opinions. Yesterday, the public radio station said that a truck full of bad meat headed to Chicago was stopped in Niles before it was eaten. The meat company blamed the trucker. The trucker blamed the meat company. We should lie about our lives using public radio, too. This American Lie can be our show. We can make up stories about how we almost ate that meat. We can have the meat company and the trucker on the show and they can argue and we can laugh at them. Radio can be the only thing in between us and success. We should go to Niles right now. We can hop a train and I’ll take you there. We can reassess our vegan lifestyles there. I will hold you when you are tired. We are now running through farm fields because they don’t have them Orange County. At least they aren’t as cold or sprawling as the fields in Orange County. We are trying to find an empty box car to jump in along the train tracks. We are falling down, almost being crushed beneath mass transit. But we’re okay. We just watched all four seasons, all ninety-two episodes. Finally, we are sharing an understanding of fictitious people. And I will kiss you after a cornstalk bends back and hits you in the face. And I will kiss you atop the pile of bad meat found in Niles. And I will kiss you on the train tracks as the train moves over us. And I will kiss you during the final moments of season four and everything will come full circle. Like TV should. Like we should.
7.
sometimes i say things that might be words. as i am almost always exhausted living in the ether of the bad object's seriality. making reality tiny and hatred is a thought made in the mouth how cheap is life how thick my pain mymymymymymymymy yumyumyumyum of course the real friend is the true enemy and you can try to push yourself up against a shadow but that doesn't mean yr dancing i would love to find a way to help you fist yr enigma. flush it clean out. yr washed out gutter sling makes my glitter punched jaw sing the practice of language’s failure who says you get to touch it, save your come for me. beyond the vernacular of what do you want to do to me yes i am good what can i do for you will this please you yes please oh please but baby please let me come i’ve been so good i promise i haven’t come without you. if we can’t allow ourselves the dignity of drama then what do we really have.
8.
9.
my mom left for a few days so im taking care of the house i checked in the shed for the mummies, but they were gone so please, come over and pay a compliment to the family of dead squirrels behind my shed, they need it more than i do the horsehead nebula sits in the center of a circle of rhododendrons in my backyard, my mom will be home on saturday
10.
11.
She grew up one night (breasts and hips and hair). She woke up and opened up the window. She received the paper plane with closed eyes. She unfolded paper and eyelids like mirrors. She lit the lamps, candles, and fireplace with a single glance. She read and her irises turned red as arteries. She refolded the finished page into a rose. She placed the paper in the vase and threw the vase in the flames. She watched the glass melt into fire. She stood and began to pack her bags. She lay her largest suitcase open on the bed. She slotted the next one snugly inside it. She heaved the punching bag inside of that. She fitted each of her bags inside bags inside. She removed the bags from beneath her eyes and tipped the tears to the floor. She put purses in pouches in backpacks. She rolled her sleeping bag into a bag of its own. She found a rip in the seam of a book bag and sewed it closed with a strand of hair. She fit them together like a jigsaw puzzle. She placed a key in the smallest bag and zipped them all shut. She slipped into jeans and jacket and zipped them shut too. She closed her eyes and lips so no one could follow her. She tipped a candle on the table and walked out the door.
12.
13.
the only coherent thought that i can form is 'i can't form any coherent thoughts' you are standing in my back yard holding two watercolor paintings, they turn into cats and live with me for several years the cats trust me, because all of us have been a jaguar at some point or another, especially my little brother i sit indian style and wipe you off the face of the earth with a single text message, fucking sweet
14.
i once listen to tom wait’s “fawn” 71 times while masturbating. i just used my hand. i rubbed myself raw until the sweat and tears and blood made a chum paste which became an armature for my idolatry aka there is a sweetness in wanting to be an animal. only fawns are tender. only we are wanting; others just are. I'M A PERSON JUST LIKE YOU BUT I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN SIT AROUND AND FUCK MY HEAD trade in your bullet vest for a jersey and steal the fucking keg man ya do it for the band. what is a blood line what does it mean when you buy it to get fucked by three guys face down on a coffee table in a room full of friends. what does it mean to watch. what does it mean to like it. WAKE&BAKE SIP THAT LEAN YOU CAN SMOKE THAT GREEN GET HIGH. when your guts dehisce that juiced hose black and slippery back out to the block out shots of 151 until you come to right as walking up the stairs drinking a handle of Jack and eating an orange creamsicle oh this is not what was happening before always moving. the strangled pain of transit as no thoughts happen in stillness. somersault through the front door then ring the bell at 4 am and why not drink a liter of vodka and take 12 vicodin death is a great way to peacefully reencounter yourself.
15.
the news said that a family got lost in a corn maze and was still in there at night and they called 911 to get out of the maze the news said that most people finish the maze in 25 minutes but this family was in there for 4 hours and i will kis you sitting on the pier of the shalow river and i will kis you in your cars back seat on the gravel turnaround in the rain and i will even kis you another time pushed against a dead tree in the back of a graveyard im sory i like you better than everything i want to whisper into your smile come watch cops with me you make me need to write love poems this is what i might whisper in the rain come over and nap with me i want you i sleep like a raccoon in you i sleep in you like i am a raccoon somewhere do you ever want to climb into a birch tree with me somewhere in the bottom of the rain i want you i turn you with slow animals i turn you in the dark trees i have you with me in the dark trees i am tryig to put you somewhere else in the dark trees too i am like the giraffe of you wow i am kising 25 birds when i kis you four hours of rain in the corn i kis you and i dream that i am a raccoon you trip and u fall and instead of geting up you stay down and i kis you on the ground in a corn field at night i am with you pushing flowers in the open mouth i am with u pressing rain to the frosted window it is even hard to cry now in december michigan there wil be a snow bank somewhere of u and me and your warm legs and i am in between kissing u sweet drems you are very beautiful i wil sing to you justin bieber with my lips on you and my hands on you so thank you i am far into the warm tunnels of you i will bring to you my warm dark we are under a pine tree and it is mid night so thank you i am deep into the rain of you
16.
where do babies come from? babies come from their dicks same as anyone u big dummy i want to get drunk and look at a candle with you tonight snowboarding horses couldn't stop me i'm an optimist that's what i like about you when we fit ourselves together we are truly a power rangers the black ranger the white ranger the asian ranger i read about a swimming pool next to a crematorium they actually use the heat from cremations to warm the pool thats me and you those two stupid buildings we’re gonna forget so damn much when we’re dead like why are they even called cobwebs i'm sorry i didnt realise a spider is actually a sweetcorn i am a long night at the river with you my peanut butter and jam both ran out in the same sandwich so truely romance is alive in the world today if i ever become an awesome rocket launcher then please just shoot me well now look at us all green kissing in the light of the exit sign finally

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compiled and edited by nathan springer

no glykon and cassandra gillig edited their own work

artwork by stefanie economos: www.facebook.com/stefanie.economos

REMIXES by ZACHARY GOLDHAMMER: soundcloud.com/zartorius/sets/the-lit-on-lit-tapes/

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lit on lit mixed tapes El Cerrito, California

manipulated cassette poetry 4 life

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